Canine Comedy

The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags
his tail instead of his tongue.
-Anonymous

Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive
evidence that you are wonderful.
-Ann Landers

If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I
want to go where they went.
-Will Rogers

There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy
licking your face.
-Ben Williams

A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more
than he loves himself.
-Josh Billings

The average dog is a nicer person than the average
person.
-Andy Rooney

We give dogs time we can spare, space we can spare
and love we can spare. And in return, dogs give us their
all. It's the best deal man has ever made.
-M. Acklam

Dogs love their friends and bite their enemies,
quite unlike people, who are incapable of pure love and
always have to mix love and hate.
-Sigmund Freud

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of
a weird religious cult.
-Rita Rudner

A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to
turn around three times before lying down.
-Robert Benchley

Dogs need to sniff the ground; it's how they keep
abreast of current events. The ground is a giant dog
newspaper, containing all kinds of late-breaking dog
news items, which, if they are especially urgent, are
often continued in the next yard.
-Dave Barry

Anybody who doesn't know what soap tastes like never
washed a dog.
-Franklin P. Jones

If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that
certain dogs I have known will go to heaven, and very,
very few persons.
-James Thurber

If your dog is fat, you aren't getting enough exercise.
-Unknown

My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is
up to $3.00 a can. That's almost $21.00 in dog money.
-Joe Weinstein

Ever consider what our dogs must think of us? I
mean, here we come back from a grocery store with
the most amazing haul -- chicken, pork, half a
cow. They must think we're the greatest hunters on
earth!
-Anne Tyler

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and
dogs should relax and get used to the idea.
-Robert A. Heinlein

Speak softly and own a big, mean Doberman.
-Dave Miliman

If you pick up a starving dog and make him
prosperous, he will not bite you; that is the principal
difference between a dog and a man.
-Mark Twain

You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog
will give you a look that says, 'Wow, you're right! I never

would've thought of that!'
- Dave Barry

Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives
whole.
-Roger Caras

If you think dogs can't count, try putting three dog
biscuits in your pocket and then giving Fido only two of them.
-Phil Pastoret

My goal in life is to be as good of a person my dog
already thinks I am.