A soldier stationed overseas recently received a "Dear John" letter from his girlfriend back home. It read as follows:
Dear John,
I can no longer continue our relationship. The distance between us is just too great. I must admit that I have cheated on you twice since you've been gone, and it's not fair to either of us. I'm sorry. Please return the picture of me that I sent to you.
Love,
Jane
With hurt feelings, asked his fellow soldiers
for any snapshots they could spare of their girlfriends, sisters, ex-girlfriends, aunts, cousins, etc. In addition to the picture of Jane, Ricky included all the other pictures of the pretty gals he had collected from his
buddies. There were 57 photos in that envelope, along with this note.
Dear Jane,
I"m sorry, but I can't quite remember who you are. Please take your picture from the pile and send the rest back to me.
Love,
John
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An old fellow came into the hospital truly on death's door due to an infected gallbladder. The surgeon who removed the gallbladder was adamant
that his patients be up and walking in the hall the day after surgery, to help prevent blood clots forming in the leg veins. The nurses walked the patient in the hall as ordered, and after the third day the nurse told how he complained bitterly each time they did. The surgeon told them to keep walking him.
After a week, the patient was ready to go. His family came to pick him up and thanked the surgeon profusely for what he had done for their father.
The surgeon was pleased and appreciated the thanks, but told them that it was really a simple operation and we had been lucky to get him in time.
"But doctor, you don't understand," they said, "Dad hasn't walked in over a year!"
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A man was driving to work when a truck ran a stop sign, hit his car broadside, and knocked him cold. Passersby pulled him from the wreck and revived him. He began a terrific struggle and had to be tranquilized by the medics.
Later, when he was calm, they asked him why he struggled so. He said, "I remember the impact, then nothing. I woke up on a concrete slab in front of a huge, flashing 'Shell' sign. And somebody was standing in front of the 'S.'"
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A tough old cowboy once counseled his grandson that if he wanted to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle a pinch of gunpowder on his oatmeal every morning. The grandson did this "religiously" and lived to the age of 110.
He left behind 4 children, 20 grandchildren, 30 great-grandchildren, 10 great-great grandchildren - and a fifty-foot hole where the crematorium used to be.
One liners
